Cambridge Dictionary carries three definitions of ‘let go’:
- to stop holding something
- to stop thinking about or being angry about the past or something that happened in the past
- to be more relaxed than usual and enjoy yourself
I hope dropping biscuits in the tea counted as ‘to stop holding something’ because that’s something I already do. But being a person whose emotions come from the deepest parts of the heart, it’s hard to release anything I have ever felt.
To try to not think about what happened in the past is like being able to touch the tip of my tongue to my nose- just doesn’t happen!
And lastly, being more relaxed than usual calls for being relaxed in the first place. I mean, whom are we even kidding?!
So, does this mean I have a long list of people living in my head or that I am entertaining unnecessary negativity? Well, not really. Not being able to let go doesn’t mean I don’t forgive people instantly or well uhmm eventually or that I just have bad memories living inside me.
I have huge hands and weak grip and that explains why I always end up holding way too much way too tight as if I might just lose everything any second.
I can safely say I am improving. I do wipe off anything unnecessary scribbled on my soul with a clean cloth of self introspection every now and then. But they are always some marks left behind and I am learning to embrace them too.
I am learning to not just say no but to say it louder and clearer with no hint of guilt so I don’t end up with things I don’t know how to carry. I am learning to send that late night long text confronting the things I couldn’t clearly say on the call instead of backspacing my honesty and putting my heart in it.
I do consider letting go as an art for it has no rules, is totally optional, always carries an opportunity cost, and no matter how hard you try you would never truly know how good or bad you are at it. But what matters the most is that you keep trying and learning till the art truly becomes a part of you and I guess that’s exactly what I am doing.