Couples In Quarantine: How To Keep The Spark Alive
For cohabiting couples, lockdown is the litmus test. The long held belief that to make a relationship last, and to keep the spark alive, there must be some mystery, some space, has now become impossible to implement. Not to mention, we're stuck indoors with our partner wearing pyjamas (and very likely, no bra). So, in a lockdown, whilst couples are together all the time, how can they keep the spark alive? Can we re-evaluate the relationship between mystery and desire? Or can we reinvent what space means in times of quarantine?
Pick up a solo creative pursuit
This is not the time to hit pause on individual pursuits. On the contrary, now is the time to spend time on all those activities you could never find the time for before. What is it that you love to do, and can be done from home? Gardening? Painting? Knitting? Baking? Do it. You're probably wondering how this will keep the spark alive. It's simple - by creating some space between you and your partner, which is crucial in any relationship.
Put on a bra
Home is where the bra isn't. What a delight it is to come home at the end of the day and take off your bra in a rebellious act of freedom. But spend three days in a row without a bra on, and you'll begin to feel like a sack of potatoes. I've now been home for over two weeks, and have come to realise that the act of wearing a bra is actually quite powering. This otherwise constricting armour, when worn out of choice and not necessity, can feel a lot like a sexy protective gear - like Xena the warrior princess ready for combative sex. Also, putting on a bra will give your partner something to work for.
Get out of your pyjamas
For the same reason that you should wear a bra. There is a reason behind the trope that you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have. It's because attire functions as a subconscious, but powerful driving force for our behaviour. If we dress well, it can contribute to us feeling well too. If you're in your pyjamas all day, you'll begin to feel like a sloth. And that's not an attractive look on anybody.
Don't put a time to your sex life
Isn't it so amazing that you don't have to wait till the day is over, or limit yourself to the first half an hour before you get busy, to have sex? Feeling horny right after lunch? At 11 in the morning? Over evening coffee? What's stopping you from doing it?
Use this time to deepen your emotional connection
This time we have on our hands can either be a curse or a blessing, and if you're quarantined with someone you love, who loves you back, it is a blessing. Use it. Have conversations you don't otherwise find the time or mental space for. Talk. Open a bottle of wine or whiskey, and spend a relaxed evening with each other. A no-rush date. This will not only help you feel closer now, but also will work wonders for your relationship and sex life health in the long run.
One of the reasons why sex life becomes stale for adults is that we're focused on the act of sex and reaching an orgasm. Remember as teenagers we would just fool around - kiss and fondle for half an hour - and gush over it for says later? That's the spark that dies off as we get older and jaded. Take this time to fool around. Not every make out sesh should lead to sex.
Try new things
That fantasy you've been brushing away as too perverse or embarrassing or complex? Try it now. If you live without parents or kids, try a new spot in the house. The kitchen, the couch, the bathroom… the house is your oyster! If you have sex toys gathering dust in your bedside drawer, not is the time to whip them out. Try role play. Tie each other up. Blindfolded sex. Shed your inhibitions and do new things under the sheets.
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